Grand slam success results in Easter abuse

Visitors arrived to a devastating scene at Jason and Daniela’s house on Saturday 3rd April, where it was discovered a beloved Easter egg had tragically been destroyed before its time.

          ‘It’s my fault,’ said Daniela, sniffling. ‘I’ve developed this habit of slamming things over the last few weeks and, well … look.’

          Chocolate was found smeared all over the inside fridge door. Specks of chocolate covered various items of food in the fridge. Remains of the egg shell were scattered across the floor tiles, soon to be drawn around with white chalk.

          Jason shook his head, sadly.

‘I knew the slamming would come to this.’

           

He explained how the incident occurred. They’d come back from the shops and were putting the groceries away. Daniela had opened the fridge and started putting away the milk, orange juice and fruits and vegetables. While she was busy doing that, Jason placed the Easter egg in the egg container, on the top shelf of the inside door of the fridge. Daniela paid no attention to what he was doing and slammed the fridge door when she was done.

           

‘She even smiled because she heard the sound of the door close.’

           

Daniela nodded, sadly.

           

‘It’s true. I like to hear things slam. But I knew something was wrong, because I saw Jase flinch … and then he cringed.’

           

There had allegedly been a loud crunch. They’d opened the fridge door and seen the broken half shell of the egg resting in the egg container, its colourful foil deflated in the centre.

           

One (and by ‘one’, I mean the writer) indeed has to ask why the 15 cm chocolate Easter egg had been placed in the ordinary, tiny egg container when it was clearly protruding from the top of the fridge door.

           

Daniela’s eyes narrow.

           

‘He thought he was being funny.’

           

Jase shakes his head to ward off any forthcoming allegations.

           

‘If she’d just closed the fridge slowly, I would have caught the door in time. And besides, aren’t her observation skills supposed to be enhanced at the moment?’

           

Daniela’s purported object abuse is unfortunately supported by some earlier incidents at this address. Coffee mugs are reportedly uncomfortable by the incessant cupboard slamming and fear for the safety of their handles. Cupboard handles themselves are sadly not exempt either, and there’s a suspicious case of a dislodged pantry cupboard handle that’s missing a screw.

           

Nonetheless, the couple were devastated at their loss. The Easter egg was supposed to be part of a Sunday ‘egg-breaking’ family tradition that follows their lunch. Its untimely breakage is not being treated as suspicious.

Daniela, whose cochlear implants will be activated tomorrow, has promised there will be no further slamming of objects on this, her final day of silence.

And Jason? He sought and secured a replacement egg on Saturday afternoon and placed it on the bench. Not in the egg container.