Deer Pheebs

Dear Pheebs (the cat),

Please accept my sincerest apologies for this morning’s rude awakening.

I realise I encouraged you to hop up on the bed yesterday evening, but I truly did not expect you to stay there all night. (I guess you were trapped by the same Furry Lump that stopped me from rolling over also. Did you find yourself on the very edge of the bed this morning too? And is your back sore like mine? Do you feel like your entire body has been in traction all night? No? Maybe it’s just me.)

Anyhow, if I’d predicted you’d stay there all night, I might’ve thought to warn you of the vibrating ‘shake awake’ alarm I use when Jase is away – I really am sorry.  I suppose it must have been an awful shock for you. And how humiliating to be defeated by a vibrating pillow mat when you’re so good at ignoring the force of someone’s body weight trying to stake back just one centimetre of the mattress.  

I also must apologise for laughing at your reaction. It's just that I’ve never seen you sit up so fast. Or seen your eyes that big. Or your ears that, er, backward.

I hope you can accept my apology. This morning’s incident was in no means intended to be an act of ‘revenge’ for all those mornings when you woke me up by meowing fifteen times at the bedroom doorway. Or kept me up all night by galloping in circles around the floorboards in the lounge room.

But if it was, are we even now?

Yours sincerely,

One-Of-The-Slaves

PS: Fine. Have the recliner then.