Piano score

One of my favourite all-time quotes is by Victor Hugo. He said:
"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent."


I've been very silent on this blog about what music actually means to me. And should I tell you my complete musical 'story', you'd be reading for days. ;-)


Let me just say that there are some childhood dreams we leave behind, and others we are tied to for some inexplicable reason. For me, one of the dreams I couldn't leave behind was my desire to pursue the piano.


Some day, I'd buy a real piano.

Some day, I'd go back and continue the lessons I was unable to continue as a child.

Some day, I'd be able to play Chopin's Fantasie Impromptu and the third movement of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

When I started to lose my hearing, my wonderful, supportive husband helped me go about realising this dream, recognising that my 'some days' had a ticking deadline. We bought a beautiful acoustic piano, and I started taking lessons. I took lessons right up until two days before the CI surgery, even though the piano sounded more awful every time I played it. I just learnt to block it out, really.

I had been warned that I might not want to pursue the piano any further, after getting cochlear implants. Notes missing. Every four tones sounding alike. CI wearers preferring to play it in complete silence. I read the accounts. I was prepared. I reluctantly put the lessons 'on hold', not having the courage to quit altogether. I understood the warnings, but I honestly didn't believe the piano could sound any worse than it already did. I was wrong.

Listening to the piano through my CIs sounded horrible after switch-on. I'd play one note, and I'd hear two different tones, a different one in each CI. I played a piece and the melody was barely recognisable through all these additional notes that I wasn't supposed to be hearing. It was very difficult to work out if either CI was even giving me the correct note. Which sound was I supposed to ignore?

I tried ignoring all of them, the technique I used when I was profoundly deaf and relied on amplified distorted hearing through an aid.

And here's the fascinating thing. I slowly found myself not wanting to ignore them. I sat down at that piano and forced myself to play it every day, for half an hour, both CIs on. And when some of those sounds started to match the sounds in my head, it became harder to block them out. Why would I block them out when they sounded correct? It was impossible. They started overlapping the melody in my head. Of course, that meant I was in for a rude shock every time the piece moved into an octave that still sounded distorted for me. But I suddenly realised that playing the piano was slowly coming together for me.

It has been five weeks since activation. I no longer hear two different tones per note. Each semitone sounds different, but they are not necessarily the correct tones. Especially in the middle three octaves on the piano, where they still sound awful. The lower and higher ranges sound beautiful.

Does the piano sound the same as it did when you had natural hearing?
Absolutely not.

Does it at least sound like a piano?
Sometimes. Sometimes it sounds more like a digital synthesizer. But it's still early days.

Does it sound out of tune like it did through my hearing aid?
For now, the middle three octaves sound out of tune.

Is it playable? 
YES. As long as my CI volumes are on '1'. Otherwise, I seem to pick up the sound reverberating around the room, and that creates a very distracting echo.

Is it more challenging playing the piano with cochlear implants, than it was with damaged amplified hearing?
It is just as challenging, but in a different way. I will say this much:
Before, I was fighting against damaged hair cells in the cochlea. And losing. Now, I'm fighting against the sound of the CIs versus the ability of my brain to make sense of it. And winning.

It would have been wrong for me to not blog about my biggest CI milestone of the week, when it is one that is so close to my heart:

On Tuesday night, I resumed my piano lessons!!

It was so nice to hear my teacher's voice and be able to watch her hand movements on the piano while she was explaining something, instead of having to lipread and miss seeing the technique!

And now I can get moving on that third little 'some day' of mine!